Duck Karma

Every now and then, Martha’s Law will prevail: Anything that can go wrong in the kitchen, will.

It started with my food delivery this afternoon. I had thought, really thought, that the whole roaster duck I had ordered would look like the online picture: no head, no neck, and no feet. Sort of like a skinny turkey.

AFLAC.

When I received the package, my duck was frozen solid – with head, neck, and webby feet still attached. Now I must behead and befeet a duck. Without any sort of remorse. I wonder if there is something to do with karma in this?

AFLAC.

I suppose if Julia Child could do it, I can. All for the sake of culinary experimentation. This is so smacking of A Christmas Story that I’m beginning to worry that I’ll shoot MY eye out.

After finding a nifty niche in the bottom of my freezer for the lifeless, eyeless duck, I read on the website that I need to “special request” the removal of duckie parts before delivery. I am left to wonder, then, what one does with webbed feet, head, and bill? Soup? Fry it up, Southern-style?

AFLAC!!!!

I shouldn’t ask.

Moving on from this, I should have seen the worst coming later. I had just washed the floor, after all, so it was shiny and clean. I had only just wondered about the quality of the wok and if it would hold up in the oven.

I was so glad tonight to see how clean my floor was and how durable the wok was!

Thus, my epic dinner failure below:

Yes, it was as spectacular as it looks. I lifted the pan out of the oven, expecting it to hold, and I felt, quite suddenly, how wobbly the pan was. Sure enough, before I could lift the pan of hot, bubbling Moroccan Lamb Stew onto my countertop, the handle folded, broke, and the wok just spilled all over.

And in this picture, it looks like my oven threw up. I think it has the flu.

After exclaiming “OPA!” (not Gangnam style, sadly), I had to grab my phone for a pic. I was laughing hysterically – really, I was – and trying to get the best angle to show the magnificent mess I had created.

But really, my whole purpose was to expose the 30-second rule as either fact or fiction…

At least, after I had what was left in the pan, it was enough for a decent dinner and leftovers. That’s a comfort. It was pretty tasty overall, and I’ve learned a very valuable lesson that I should be in a fortune cookie:

Don’t buy a cheap wok.

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