A [not so] fairy tale delivery story

Based on a true story of daily life in Hong Kong.

Once upon a time, there was a fair, kind, and young(ish) maiden living in a lovely village up the very steep hill from the big kingdom. This fair, kind, and young(ish) maiden wanted to get her groceries delivered, and she waited two very long weeks for the special call for delivery. When she arrived home today from educating the fine young minds of the future, she received that special call.

The grocery delivery company said, “We are sorry, Miss, but we cannot deliver your groceries. You must come down from village to get them.” 

The young(ish) maiden replied, “But I cannot leave the village. I have a badly strained ankle. This is home delivery. You can deliver to my home, not to a parking lot down the very steep hill from my village.”

The company said, “But the driver says you live in the Catholic Cemetery, so he cannot deliver to your house. You must come down from the village to get them.”

She replied, “I do not live in a Catholic Cemetery because I am alive and all of my neighbors are walking around now, meaning they are clearly still alive. They are not zombies. Also, I’m Protestant, so I’m sure that counts against me. You can deliver to my home.”

The company said, “The driver says he can’t deliver because he can’t carry the groceries up the hill because they are too heavy. You must come down from the village to get them.”

She replied, “I have a badly strained ankle, and if the delivery man can’t carry them up the very steep hill, what makes you think I can with a strained ankle and a head cold? He must drive to my house. It is very possible. That is a home delivery. You can deliver to my home.”

The company replied, “The driver says he can’t deliver because he won’t be able to get the truck back up the very steep hill once he drives up the hill and then down the hill to your village. If your ankle is hurt, we can deliver another day and your friends and family must come down from the village to get them.”

The young(ish) maiden said, “Listen here. I have had a huge overseas shipment truck, two appliance deliveries, and two IKEA deliveries come here to my home in this village. And if bloody IKEA can deliver to my house, you better believe that you can as well. You can deliver to my home.”

The company said, “The driver says he will not deliver to your village. You must come get the groceries.”

Finally, the young(ish), kind, fair maiden said, “JUST CANCEL THE ORDER! I’ll just go to the store MYSELF and take a TAXI HOME because this is NOT the POINT of HOME DELIVERY!”

And the young(ish), fair, and kind maiden lived happily ever after with a glass of wine in her hand, though she still wondered in what past life she had so terribly offended or hurt a delivery man that she would get this sort of horrible delivery karma. THE END.

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